Monday, June 7, 2010

Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, continued

Like a whirl, a cyclone of willowy skirts and scarves

Like the bald eagle riding high on wind’s currents

Like the circulation of blood through veins and its matching pulsating aura of mystery

Is the feel of air through my pigtails as I cartwheel/front-aerial-somersault/cross-legged/lift/jump/twirl/cartwheel/back-somersault-to-a-stand/hands-raised/then-deep-bow-at-the-waist on the trampoline.

{Happy Sigh.}

I can’t believe it has been a full year since Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Video #1, was posted on The Moth. And since Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Video #2, was posted, my email inbox has grown supernaturally, much like how the homemade beanbag chair, when its pattern is doubled in size, actually and surprisingly increases by a factor of at least four in the quantity of pellets required to fill it. The response from the 40-year-old-women trampolining community has been simply tremendous, and the mere thought of all those inner trampolinologists emerging from viewers has tears springing to my eyes like blooming morning glories in time lapse.

Ahem. Anyway.

I had planned to film Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Video #3: Seasonal Jumping and the Misty Flip, where I utilize the properties of snow to astronomically increase the coolness of the move, much like my pine needles of Autumn, but this Winter did not shed the furry snow of previous years.

In addition, this past Spring I struggled with a tight hamstring, so I greatly reduced the intensity of the run and took up bicycling to make up for the deficit. My very good friend then began showing me the ropes and teaching me how to ride more efficiently. Which included a lot of accessories and equipment. I’ve been helmetized, shoe-ified, pedal-tached, and taught how to change and patch the tubing on a tire. And I’ve had only one minor incident when I didn’t twist my shoe clip thingie from the pedal clip thingie before stopping which resulted in a rather undramatic and embarrassing yet timberesque topple to the ground. I have also learned that, apparently, when one goes on a long bike ride, one should carry more than just binoculars, a BlackBerry camera, a bird field guide, and a book of haiku. Water, for instance, is always a good idea.

But still, I miss the trampoline but predict a quick return to its bouncitudeness. Until then, I thought I would once again humbly share the sage wisdom I have gained while dealing with injuries that crop up from time to time, for if one is an Athlete-with-a-capital-ay, injuries are inevitable.

Do take up the sport of looking-for-owls. Venture past Do Not Trespass signs and wander into forests, following the hoo hoo’s, hoo hoo’s of owls, which will have you boomeranging from tree to tree to tree in the adrenaline-inducing excitement of the chase and exploration.

Don’t forget to look down from time to time at the ground for branchy branches that have the potential to scratch and gouge your leg, drawing blood, sending you to urgent care for stitches.

Do wear gowns and dresses on these expeditions for it is much easier to hold up a skirt or tuck it in so that when you do encounter branchy branches, your clothes do not rip or become stained.

Don’t forget to get your tetanus shot.

Do visit your favorite salon and have your hair cut and highlighted.

Don’t forget to look up when standing so you can avoid the salon grade hair dryers that hang from the ceiling and have the ability to concuss and leave big bumps on the top of your head.

And finally, do once again revisit the tips and schema offered in previous trampoline posts. You can access with ease this important information on the right side of The Moth in the category of “trampoline jumping for 40-year-old women.”

So, as aforementioned, do not worry! I expect a speedy return to the trampoline, and Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Video #3, is forthcoming although presently in its infant yet creative stages. I’m thinking dodgeball and jumping from a ladder onto the trampoline. A most safe endeavor, I am convinced, where nothing, absolutely nothing, could possibly go wrong.

PSST, Goddess Schawn, how about you charge up that video camera and I’ll get the ladder and dodgeballs!

{Happy sigh.}

GL, 6/6/2010. Prevail.


  1. There is the Lynne I know and love. I have been getting into the bikling thing too--your comments made me laugh. We shall talk. Can't wait for the next tramp videao.

  2. goddess carolineJuly 3, 2010 at 8:20 PM

    you are the most fabulous 40ish trampoline jumper i have ever seen!!