Friday, December 31, 2010

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old-Women, Putting Chains on My Purple Car's Tires

Greetings from snow-buried Spokane, Washington!

This area has been reamed by a snow storm today that will be followed by arctic temperatures in the days to come. In fact, snow has been falling so rapidly, so much so, that when I went out for my run at five this morning, inches of snow lay on the ground with 10 to 12 more to come, and the warmest of temperatures of the day began to chill at this early hour. Realizing that my charitable Goddess activities could only benefit the greater good of the Universe, I knew in my gut that I needed to make sure that my purple office/studio/study/library-on-wheels-depending-on-what-I-am-using-it-for car was ready for snow, ice, and slippery conditions. So in the midst of it all, putting aside my other humbling yet noble activities, I thought I should take a few moments to educate and empower my beloved community by sharing how I have been able continue my important Goddess work despite the wintery weathered winter weather in a Dare to Repair Your Car Guide, Do-It-Herself Guide (Julie Sussman& Stephaine Glakas-Tenet) manner.

Okay, I know what you are thinking…that purple cars do better in snow, and why would I need chains on my tires since not only do I drive a purple car, but a purple-in-a-glittery-eggplant color?! Yes, purple cars DO do better in snow, much like how dark blue navy cars do better in rainy weather, black cars (especially ones with darkened windows) are better in espionage work, and red cars are inherently faster…although I am not sure why. On a four-lane highway, place a red car (in various shades, no less) next to my glittery eggplant purple car…or anyone else’s blue, white, black, or grey… and the red car’s 30, 35, even 55 miles per hour is simply faster than our comparable 30, 35, even 55 miles per hour. I can’t explain it, much like how I can’t explain how I simply cannot use the Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble Nook, or Borders’ Kobo. Because of my addiction to books, I am told often and frequently that these wireless readers are perfect for me and that I can carry my current reads of AT LEAST five books or more of fiction, nonfiction, poetry, cozy mystery, and interpreting research easily and without the Rachel Ray technique of carrying everything in the precarious balance from refrigerator to cupboards to pantry to countertop in one fell, ball-juggling swoop technique that I currently employ. But, I ask you, do these wireless reader thingies have the lovingly yet delicate mutilation of upper and lower corner page folding, and underlining in various colorful pen and pencil sets? And do they have the NEW BOOK SMELL, I ask?!?!

ANYWAY. Since I am practically the only eggplant purple car on the road, I must protect the community of other non-purple-car drivers AND continue my charitable Goddess activities by staying on the road…which means I NEED (not want) chains on my tires. Which brings me to my next edifying Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women series post: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires.

Step One: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires

I first make sure that my eggplant purple car is on firm, level ground, away from the flow of traffic with my emergency brake set.

Step Two: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires

Looking at the pictures (not necessarily at the directions since I have already established that I am not good at reading instruction manuals), I then unroll the cable chain on the ground next to the front tires and position the end hooks toward the front of my purple car’s tire.

Step Three: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires

I then drape the cable chain over my tires so that the smooth side of the hook thingie is against my front wheel tires.

Step Four: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires

I then make the connection by pushing the cable’s thread thingie through the hook thingie. I hop in my purple car several times to turn my front tires this way and that several times so that I can make the connections on the inside part of the tire as well as the outside part of the tire, thread thingie by hook thingie and thread thingie by hook thingie.

Step Five: Putting Chains on My Purple Car’s Tires

Lastly, I drive my eggplant purple car forward one car length forward, hop out, then realize I have gone too far, hop back in, back up a bit, hop out, then hop back in to move forward a tad so that I can firmly tighten my thread thingies and hook thingies. My instructions tell me that my thread and hook thingies should not differ by one metal bushing thingie, and since three of four are past four thingies and one is at three, I am satisfied.


Chains on the Tires of My Purple Car in Snow through BlackBerry Viewfinder not on Binoculars


Goddess Bumper Sticker on Purple Car with Chains in Snow through BlackBerry Viewfinder also not on Binoculars

So, in conclusion, like the answer of YES to your question of can we spray paint our Xmas trees purple, I say YES! We can, as 40-Year-Old Trampoline Jumping Goddesses, put chains on our tires for Winter driving! But once again, I have some wise remarks of wisdom to impart before you begin and as you once again, don your purple Goddess apron for yet another worthy endeavor.

Do be sure to, on the first day in Summer when the temperatures hit 100 degrees Fahrenheit, walk into Napa Auto Supply Store, or any auto supply store in your area, and, standing tall with your colorful sundress and jewelry and glitter, proudly announce that you wish to buy tire snow chains.

Don’t forget to remember the make and model of your vehicle. While it makes perfect sense in the world of the Goddess, when asked the make and model of your vehicle, to simply answer “PURPLE!” (because there is no substitute to the purple passion of certain people…namely the Goddesses)…to those who think within the box, this will only confuse the people-who-work-at-Napa-Auto-Supply-Store people.

Do remember to ingest your distance-running power gel as you expend energy hopping in and out of your car, turning your steering wheel this way and that, over and over again, and over and over again, as you try to find the perfect angle in which to attach the inner thingies to each other on your tires.

Don’t feel badly when you utter words spelled in the characters @#$%^&*()-=+ as you expend energy hopping in and out of your car, turning your steering wheel this way and that, over and over again, over and over again, as you try to find the perfect angle in which to attach the inner thingies to each other on your tires. Do remember that this is a most challenging endeavor.

Like when wandering the farmers’ market or spray painting your Xmas tree purple, don’t be alarmed by the stares of those who drive by as you, in pigtails and apron covered running clothes madly hop in and out of your car, turning your steering wheel this way and that, over and over again, over and over again, dusted by snow. Once again, they are AGAIN responding to your pulsating aura of spy-like international intrigue and admiring how you continue to honor your gut while they wish they had the aura and courage themselves, knowing that both are well beyond their reach.

Do fill spray bottles filled with purple water color paint and madly spray paint the trees and bushes in your yard, following the wisdom dispensed in Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, the Saga Continues, Spray Painting My Xmas Tree Purple, post, accessed at the bottom of The Moth’s label Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women.

So, once again, empowered community, don’t forget to be well, do good work, and keep in touch, and let not inclement weather get in the way of your proud yet honorable and humble work as Goddesses. I, too, shall follow this advice as I return to my own important work. Although now that I think of it, I am wondering if I should have spray painted my tire chains purple…hmmmm…maybe next time…now THAT is an intriguing thought…

GL, 12/29/2010. Prevail.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Young Eagle


A Juvenile Bald Eagle through BlackBerry Viewfinder on Binoculars

GL, 12/28/2010. Prevail.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Three Bald Eagles through BlackBerry Viewfinder on Binoculars


Among the Tens and Tens and Tens and More of Bald Eagles Wintering on Lake Coeur d'Alene

GL, 12/26/2010. Prevail.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

More Purple














Kaleidoscope Collection through BlackBerry Viewfinder on My Purple Xmas Tree Lights

GL, 12/25/2010. Prevail.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Haiku 28

A Winter Solstice Ritual during the Lunar Eclipse

(Umbra.)

A Lunar eclipse
Sun, Earth, Moon in alignment
Moon enters Umbra.

(Penumbra.)

Moon’s chalk-white erased
Then written again on black
Ameliorative.

(Antumbra.)

Moon leaves Penumbra
Once again, Dark bows to Light
The Winter Solstice.

GL, 12/21/2010. Prevail.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, the Saga Continues, Spray Painting My Xmas Tree Purple

Greetings!

Life as a trampoline jumping Goddess continues to be quite busy! In addition to the numerous letters that Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Videos #1 and #2, continue to elicit, to which I respond by hand, my Butternut-Squash-Lasagna-with-Rainbow-Striped-Noodles posting has caused a wonderful flurry of correspondence. Meanwhile, I have turned fabulously 41 (a good number, I think) and spray painted my Xmas tree purple. This, the spray painting of my tree, has been a most serious of seriousnesses in my Goddess efforts, I must say. I have come to realize that this is such an important endeavor, so much so, that I feel a strong need to suspend my many Goddess charitable activities, letter writing, trampoline ladder/dodge ball search, and BlackBerry viewfinder on Binoculars series to address the universal question that I am sure has been brewing…no, that’s not a strong enough of a word…certainly BOILING in all of your minds: Can I REALLY spray paint my Xmas tree purple?!?!

So here I am, typing in the wee hours of late morning, to say YES, you can spray paint your Xmas tree purple…or any other color…or combinations of colors you should choose! How was it that I was able to receive from the Universe this incredible wisdom, you ask? Well, my beloved community of 40-Year-Old-Trampoline-Jumping-Women, this all started when I began to contemplate the approaching Season of Winter Celebrations during my morning chilly runs. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to ride the Wheel of Seasons as She rolls towards the Winter Solstice...when suddenly, it came to me! I NEED A PURPLE XMAS TREE!

Okay, I understand that many will implore you to explore things that you want versus what you need and say that what you think are NEEDS are really WANTS. Understood. Nonetheless, I am here to say that, yes, we should be deliberate, AND, as my interpreting mentor, in a serious Paula Deen-esque Texas accent recently dispensing to me some pearly advice, said that when a serious decision is before you and you have a sense about the direction you should take, “Honey, that’s yurr gut tawkin’ to ya an’ ya need ta listen to yurr gut…okay, sweetheart?” So employing that sage advice, when I saw that Danskos online had PURPLE PATENT LEATHER CLOGS, albeit a tad bit expensive, I knew in my Kentucky, southern gut that they were a definite NEED and definitely NOT a want…

Ahem…anyway…so upon hearing the Texas accent of my mentor imparting advice in my mind’s eye, I decided to once again honor my gut, thinking that if a purple Xmas tree was what I needed, a purple Xmas tree was what I should have. Sooooo…to Rite Aid Pharmacy store I went for my 20-dollar, six-foot tall fake Xmas tree, then to Target for my eight purple (and silver) Xmas tree balls and my eight purple glittery stars and two strings of purple lights, then moving on to Shopko for my glittery purple star tree top, and finally, off to Fred Meyers Home Improvement Center for two cans of purple spray paint (the kind for plastic and many other kinds of surfaces).

Spray Painting a Xmas Tree Purple

My Xmas Tree, Spray Painted Purple, Step One

First, I attach the six to nine-ish levels of branches to the metal-ish trunk of my 20-dollar fake tree from Rite Aid.

My Xmas Tree, Spray Painted Purple, Step Two

I then (after considerable time…I tend to NOT read the directions so putting things together takes a long time) take my newly assembled tree outside in the snow, and, wearing my running tights, purple running jacket, pigtails, running shoes, and purple apron (sewed and given to me by a Goddess), spray paint spray paint spray paint spray paint my 20-dollar fake tree from Rite Aid like crazy, easily using up my two cans of spray paint from Fred Meyers Home Improvement Center.

My Xmas Tree, Spray Painted Purple, Step Three

Once my 20-dollar, six-foot-tall fake tree from Rite Aid has been spray painted with my two cans from Fred Meyers’ Home Improvement Center and dried (15 to 20ish minutes), I then proceed to place my eight purple Xmas balls, using purple paper clips, on my purple spray painted tree, my eight glittery stars and two strings of purple lights from Target, along with my Shopko purple-glittery gorgeousity of a tree top star. I then place my purple fabric from a previous project around the base for the skirt.

My Xmas Tree, Spray Painted Purple, Step Four

I then step back, mentally referencing my original vision…and look at my purple tree…and realize it needs one more thing: my Halloween black crow, whom I’ve named Violet.

My Xmas Tree, Spray Painted Purple, Step Five

I place Violet, my Halloween crow, in my six-foot-tall fake tree that has been spray painted with my two cans of purple plastic-and-other-surfaces spray paint, decorated with my eight purple and silver balls, eight purple glitter stars, two strings of purple lights, and one purple glittery treetop star, and step back to observe.

IT IS PERFECT.

And I am wickedly happy.


Purple Xmas Tree through BlackBerry Viewfinder not on Binoculars


A Close-Up of Violet, My Halloween Crow, on My Purple Xmas Tree through BlackBerry Viewfinder also not on Binoculars

BUT! Before you don your aprons and begin to spray paint, once again, I have a few remarks of my own wise wisdom to offer.

DO spray paint your fake tree in snow, preferably in your front yard, creating patches of colorful snow.

DON’T be alarmed by the stares of those who drive by as you, in pigtails and apron covered running clothes, madly spray paint your tree. I really must agree with myself when I say they are simply continuing to respond to your pulsating and mysterious aura of spy-like international intrigue that you have displayed at your summertime local farmers’ market. In fact, they are probably wishing that they, too, have listened to their own guts and spray painted their tree wonderful and brilliant colors.

DO be sure to NOT stand facing the wind as you spray paint.

DON’T forget to consider a back-up plan for disassemblage and storage after you have spray painted over the matching assembly color codes on the branches and tree trunk of your assembled fake tree.

DO be sure to NOT feel intimidated with YOUR small BlackBerry on your hand-held Fred Meyers binoculars as you stand shoulder to shoulder with other Coeur d’Alene-Lake-wintering-bald-eagles-watching birders with THEIR expensive and high powered tripod-held binoculars and cameras, REI boots, and jeans. Indeed, DO stand taller in your colorful Danskos, floor length dress, and drapes of scarves and necklaces…

And finally, DON’T forget to review the previous postings on trampoline jumping. Yes, I realize that it has been a year since the last video, but what with my lower lumbar/hamstring issues and video filming and production complexities, it might be a little bit before my next video is produced. Nonetheless, we can still practice our landings and stances!

Okay! So happy spray painting! And be well, do good work, and keep in touch as I return to my noble and worthy Goddess activities listed in my introduction…and please know I have not given up on that ladder and dodge balls for my Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old-Women, Instructional Video #3. HEY! Perhaps when I find them, I should spray paint them purple, too!

GL, 12/19/2010. Prevail.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Constellation Poem 7

Sagittarius



Alpha

Words somersaulting
Black bundles of expression
Insouciant starlings.

Beta

Unexpected Moon
Through cumulus cotton clouds
White dandelions.

Gamma

A snow-encased tree
Starlings toss about branches
A jaunty black scarf.

Delta

Darting black arrows
Dozens of geese overhead
Asymmetrical.

Epsilon

Words pinned to paper
Ladle-shaped asterism
Sagittarius.

GL, 12/14/2010. Prevail.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Purple


Silver Kaleidoscope Pendant on Purple Christmas Light through BlackBerry Viewfinder

GL, 12/13/2010. Prevail.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Moon through Veil


The Moon, Waxing Crescent of Full at 17% through Clouds
BlackBerry Viewfinder on Binoculars

GL, 12/9/2010. Prevail.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I Think This Is the Same Red-Tailed Hawk


Tractor-Watching Red-Tailed Hawk on a Different and Nearby Utility Pole,
BlackBerry Viewfinder on Binoculars, 12/8/2010

GL, 12/8/2010. Prevail.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Another Black and White Photograph


With Some More Red
(through BlackBerry Viewfinder Zoomed a Little Bit on Binoculars, 11/30/2010)

GL, 12/5/2010. Prevail.