Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, the saga continues as Lady Liberty

Greetings, earthling community of 40-year-old trampoline jumping women! It has been a while since we last visited, but no worries…because, while Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Videos #1 and #2, continue to travel viral throughout cyberspace (457 hits for #1 and 134 for #2), the Goddesses continue to do good and noble works. Of course, April’s National Poetry Month brought forth all kinds of awesome haiku writing and email rhyming while May kicked up my running, and June…well, June had me engaged in yet another esteemed and Goddess worthy endeavor: the upgrade of my annual July 4th Statue of Liberty costume from awesome to SPECTACULAR.

And this effort was so incredibly successful that I knew in my golden gut that I needed to share this experience with my larger tribe. So along with our trampoline jumping, butternut-squash-lasagna-with-rainbow-striped-noodles cooking, purple-Xmas-tree spray painting, and putting-snow-chains-on-purple-car’s-tires exercises, we can now add the making/upgrading of the Statue of Liberty costume to our list of dignified activities.

How to Upgrade Your Statue of Liberty Costume from Awesome to SPECTACULAR in Just Five Steps

Step one.

As a writer, I find that research is of the essence, so I decide to peruse the reputable online resources of Wikipedia and for drapes, torch, and tiara ideas. Page after page after page I scroll on my nifty netbook, trolling for inspiration when I come across a torch that actually lights up (!!!) and a seafoam green styrafoam tiara. With sweaty, shaky hands, I excitedly and immediately click on that dangerous Amazon One-Click button, and they become mine. I can hardly contain myself as I check my post office box each day while awaiting my new accoutrements.

Step two.

It suddenly occurs to me that none of my more-than-50 skirts and dresses match the seafoam green color of my styrafoam tiara. Mulling this over in my thinking spot, I remember my FABulous Xmas tree and know if I can spray paint my Xmas tree, I certainly can spray paint or at least dye a skirt. I grab my keys to my purple Goddess-mobile and make a mad dash to the craft store by way of Manito Park’s duck pond where I take pictures with my BlackBerry on binoculars and collect a bagful of feathers before hitting Michael’s. There I roam the aisles, clearing one shelf of its glitter pencils, then deeply gasp because not only does Michael’s have fabric dye, they have fabric SPRAY PAINT! With hands once again sweaty and shaky, I fill my basket with green and glitter and purple spray paints and boxes of dye.

Step three.

I now realize I gonna probably need a bucket and long rubber gloves, so I stop by my trusty Rite Aid where I found my six foot tall, white fake Xmas tree that I spray painted, and find the rest of my supplies. I rush to the checkout counter by way of the glitter bouncy balls that light up in a fabulous way with each bounce on the floor and clear that shelf, too.

Step four.

I am now ready to dye my skirt so I once again don my purple Goddess-made apron which I use for all of my charitable Goddess activities and promptly dump my two boxes of greenish dye in my small red plastic bucket and turn my hose on in it. I take my skirt and mush it around, splashing my green dye absolutely everywhere. I squish and twist it in my bucket and squish and twist it out of my bucket and hang my dyed skirt in a tree to dry.

Step five.

Next, I rush to the farm of one of my Goddesses who is seamstress extraordinaire to assemble my sparkly seafoam green fabric overtop of my dyed skirt. After a tour of the chicken barn, we safety pin away, creating massive folds and drapes.

Together we look in the mirror.

It is perfect.

So, just as expected, like a hypothesis proven in an science experiment, my Lady Liberty costume totally catapults to levels beyond spectacularism, and I feel fabulous. In fact, I feel as though I AM Lady Lynneberty, transported back to 1886, standing on Ellis Island as I am welcoming weary travelers and immigrants alike.

{Wickedly wicked happy sigh}

Now I know that you are ready to slam shut your netbooks and laptops as you too want to rush to your local craft and fabric stores, but before you do, I have some wise wisdom that I do feel I must responsibly share before you once again don your own Goddess apron and embark on your adventure.

Do understand the life and adventure of the Goddess is fraught with danger from time to time…the danger of the grizzly bear, the danger of stepping in duck poop while you collect feathers, and the serious danger of that One-Click purchase button. Yes, indeed, this life is definitely not for the faint of heart.

Don’t feel bad if you forget your dyed skirt you have hanging in your tree. The thunderstorms and ensuing rain can only help deplete the oversaturated green in the skirt you dyed with the two boxes when you really needed only one.

Do choose the larger bucket over the smaller one, even if it is more expensive.

Don’t forget to keep a wet wash rag outside near your bucket so that you can quickly wipe off the splashes of green dye from your arms right away. This way, you don’t have to traipse through your house to grab one, leaving a trail of green footprints.

Do use duck feathers to line your gift bags instead of the regular tissue paper. They are so much cheaper and when unearthed from beneath items in the pantry, don’t emerge ripped, wrinkled, and torn.

Don’t be upset if you can’t find your safety pins that you purchased at Rite Aid. Instead, repurpose your safety pins from your old running race numbers.

Just as when you are cooking and using the personal possessive pronoun when speaking of your ingredients (I then put my purple potato mixture into my purple casserole dish…), do refer to your Lady Liberty costume making supplies using the same personal possessive pronouns (I dip my skirt into my small red bucket…).

And finally, don’t forget to continue practicing your flips and reviewing the informative information in Trampoline Jumping for 40-Year-Old Women, Instructional Videos #1 and #2, easily accessible through the trampoline jumping for 40-year-old women category label on the lower right side of The Moth.

So once again, my community of 40-year-old trampoline jumping women, joyful trampoline jumping and happy Statue of Liberty costume making/upgrading! I truly speak from experience when I say that tears of noble joy will well in your eyes as the spirit of Lady Liberty swells within you.

(Now I am wondering how I can incorporate a disco ball into next year’s costume.)

~Lady Lynneberty (prevail.)

1 comment:

  1. I am a better woman for reading this luminous blog post. Love you.